We can comfort people in really bad ways. We can also comfort in good and healthy ways. And there’s a template to follow in this. In this episode, we unpack the process for how to comfort in a healthy, constructive way.
What did you eat good or bad this week?
- Jay – Bree mac n cheese and cauliflower
- Brian – Oven-baked spare ribs
- Eric – Kids day at the Aurochs Brewery
What’s going on in our lives this week?
- Jay – Watching the kids play together outside/parenting. You never know when something’s over
- Brian – Little moments in life that I took mental snapshots of with my family
- Eric – Maggie turning 5 months old and sleep schedule
How to comfort
- First and foremost, work on building good/real relationships so that people may be willing to share a hurt with you.
- Always remember that you are seeking to understand how they feel and join them in it.
- Figure out where they are. What are they feeling? How much are they sharing? Don’t go past where they are
- Leave yourself behind. Turn off your inner monologue (don’t worry about what you’re going to say or do).
- Focus not on what you are feeling (for you) but rather what you feel for them.
- Pay attention to your body. Do you feel (again, for them) hot in the head, sick to your stomach, chilled, dizzy, light headed, or whatever?
- Communicate that to them. .
- Reassure them that you are here for them.
- Let them know that you are not judging at all but don’t then give a bunch of examples of how you’ve done worse (remember, it’s not about you).
- Let them talk. Don’t ask a bunch of questions. They are sharing with you what they are feeling. They are giving you as much as you need. To ask questions is to take them from their hearts and into their heads thus disabling your ability to join them in their emotion (since they are now in their head, not their heart).
- Rebecca feels like she’s in the room and friends with you