Episode 154

Bad Patterns in Relationships Part 1

April 27, 2022

ep. 154


Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome.  Tonight is episode 154 entitled “Bad Patterns in Relationships.”  We all fall into bad patterns in our relationships.  Why does that happen? What is really behind it all?  How can we possibly break that destructive cycle?  Is there hope?

Pull up a chair at the table and join us!

Bad Patterns

  1.  What are they?

    • Cyclical conflict in a relationship
    • Having the same fight over different details
  2. What are their characteristics?

    • Every decision/conflict is handled the same way and it is not productive
    • Every major conflict is about the same “thing” with different causes for the incident
  3. What causes it?

    • General – conflict between where hurts go

      • Anger/Guilt
      • Anger/Self Condemnation
      • Fear/Guilt
      • Fear/Self Condemnation
      • Anger & Fear look outward, Guilt & Self Condemnation inward’
    • Procedural

      • Conflict between emotional needs

        • Opposite “need” of needs in general
        • Respect vs. Security
        • Affection vs. Security/Respect
        • Encouragement vs. Support
        • Attention vs. Acceptance
      • Not being open, honest and vulnerable

        • Not communicating the need – open
        • Stealing the need – honest
        • Being afraid (perhaps rightfully so) that the need won’t be met – vulnerable
      • Not mutually giving – one or both of the people are not loving the other by meeting an OHV communicated need.
    • Unresolved Hurts

      • Past hurts outside of a relationship that have not been comforted
      • Past hurts within a relationship that have not been confessed, understood and forgiven

        • Inhibits intimacy which prohibits the meeting of other needs
        • Reduces the impact of other needs being met
        • Clouds or diminishes an altruistic attempt to meet a need


    Jay Mitlo

    Jay Mitlo

    Brian Herr

    Brian Herr

    Eric Hammond

    Eric Hammond

    Chris Davidson

    Chris Davidson