Episode 162

Belonging

July 6, 2022

ep. 161

SHOW NOTES

Tonight is episode 162 entitled “Belonging” Does it matter to you that you have a close knit friend group? Are you always on a team or part of a club? Do you love AND enjoy being a part of your family? Does it matter to you that you are good at whatever role you play in a relationship? If you answered yes to those questions, you probably have a high need for belonging. We’re talking about that tonight here at The Table.

Belonging

  • What is it? – Feeling like one is valued due to the relationship one has with another.
  • What causes it?
    • Having it met constantly as a child
    • NOT having it met as a child
    • Experiencing great rejection as an adult
  • How is it different than acceptance
    • Acceptance is being ACCEPTED even though you’ve erred.
    • Belonging is BELONGING to a family or group of people/organization.
  • How is it met?
    • Being uplifted by family members
    • Being treated well and valued by friends
    • Having importance put on “the family name”
    • Feeling included and a part of a group/team/organization
  • How is it not met/how are we hurt by not receiving it?
    • Being talked down to/ridiculed by family members
      • In person
      • Social media – “My stupid husband”, “the old ball and chain”
    • Not being included/ignored/ridiculed/ostracized by friends
      • Third guy at the mall
      • The butt of all friend jokes
    • Having no family or one with a poor reputation
    • Not fitting in socially with others
  • How do we “steal” it when it is not met?
    • Clinging to friends/groups where you are clearly not valued
    • Joining/aligning with groups that are not a good match for you
    • Settling for romantic relationships that are unhealthy
    • Identifying with one’s geography, ethnicity, sex, race as a primary source of pride
  • What other emotional needs can be confused with belonging?
    • Acceptance – by name
    • Security – one’s need for security in a relationship can be born out of the need for belonging
    • Respect – one doesn’t need to belong to any group or relation but has a high need to be treated properly
  • How can we meet one’s need for belonging?
    • Include people in your group (friend, social, family or “family”)
    • Notice when people are around you
    • Use terms like “my guy” or “sister”
    • Tell people that they are good at being however they relate to you or role that they have
  • When we do not receive  belonging, how are we hurt?
    • Fear  – constant worry about being kicked out of the group/relation
    • Guilt – feeling as if your actions have caused the exclusion or loneliness
    • Self Condemnation – the belief that you yourself are not worthy of being included
    • Anger – any sense of exclusion is met with sharp verbal and relational reactions

THE CREW

Jay Mitlo

Jay Mitlo

Brian Herr

Brian Herr

Eric Hammond

Eric Hammond

Chris Davidson

Chris Davidson

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